he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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