I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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