Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
