Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
