Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
