I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
