just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
