So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
