She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
