oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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