I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
