boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
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This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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