Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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