Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
