how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
