this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
pray to the hookup gods
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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