Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
