I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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