Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
