You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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