His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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