i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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