She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize