she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
These tits shall not be calmed
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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