CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
