four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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