I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
