the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it glows. i had to have it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
