Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's the barista slut.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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