Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He? As in you personified your dick?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
