I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
