who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
