Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
