Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
