are you still at the devil's house?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
