I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
