i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
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Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
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We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have feelings that need drinking.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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