Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
