Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
