and i looked up. we had an audience...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
