we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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