I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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