dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
