Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
