yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
