I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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