i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
did i walk over a car last night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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