He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
