She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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