Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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