i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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