are you still at the devil's house?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i think my cat just said my name.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
