He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
