So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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