we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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