Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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