Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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