Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
