just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
