Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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