If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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