The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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