I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
