this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
