She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
