What did we do last night that was yellow?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
