She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
