If i come over, it means nothing
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
