I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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