I'm really into asian looking animals
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
