Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
