id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize