first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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