11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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