It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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