you would pick up someone in the library
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My ass is underappreciated
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
