I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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