You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
