end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
