I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
