i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
