no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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