Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
