Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
