if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She even gives head with a lisp.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
